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Location: huntsville, alabama, United States

i am an addict of laughter and also sadness. i guess basically i am very confused...

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

girls are like pianos, if they are not upright, they are grand...

as i was driving to meet my date, i started to wonder if there was going to sex later and if so, if i would be involved in it... i figured its our second date and i thought maybe i had a chance...

by the time i showed up, she has already got us a table and she has started on a glass of wine. i couldn't help but to notice her heaving bosoms that seems to say... "hey, fella', my eyes are up here, not down there" or "hey, look at me, i am ready to burst out of this shirt" or "hey you, i am as happy to see you as you are happy to see me" or "stop staring at me, you are creeping me out". i am not exactly sure what they were saying, but they were talking quite a bit.

anyway, we ordered our dinner and her mouth was moving, but i really didn't hear much because her breasts and i were having a meaningful conversation.

finally the check came and i was curious as to what she would do... because as i see it there are several things that can happen. she can say... i will pay for mine, or she can say... i will pay this time, or she can just ignore the check and just sit there. she did none of those... she said... i gotta go to the bathroom. wow... that was unexpected...

and then she asks for a doggy bag... wait just one minute here... a doggy bag. a doggy bag means only one thing... either she wants me to come with her to her house or she is trying to ditch me. well, needless to say... i drove home unhappy and unsatisfied... it's a good thing i didn't bother to buy condoms.

speaking of condoms, if you ever run out of condoms, what seems to work well for me is some saran wrap and duct tape... if you can get the girl to stop laughing for a minute, it works great, but it is a bitch to get it off though...

15 Comments:

Blogger Biscuit said...

I'm thinking that duct tape might be rather abrasive! Maybe a zip lock? (heh heh, I typed "lick" by accident).

September 19, 2006 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

dang, hot mama, are you trying to get me all hot and bothered?

September 19, 2006 at 1:50 PM  
Anonymous laurzeilei said...

Wow. So, the two things you heard her say all night were,

"I gotta go to the bathroom."

and

"May I have a doggie bag?"

Maybe if you and the boobs would've stopped conversing long enough...you would have heard her ask...

"Did you stop and pick up some condoms because if you didn't, don't worry...I have a colorful selection by my bedside."

See what happens when you don't pay attention, Larry????

Cute story.

No comment on the saran wrap and duct tape. That sounds like a lot of work.

September 19, 2006 at 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just realized that I said "no comment" and then made a comment. Oy! But I'm sure you missed it with your ADD and all. ;)

September 20, 2006 at 12:32 AM  
Blogger larrykim said...

laurzeilei, yup yup yup... i only heard her say two things the whole night and neither of them sounded like lets just hop in the sack...

i did notice that you said no comment and said something about it. anyway, i recommend you try it. also, i have found out that surgical gloves work just as well and you get to use each one five times...

September 20, 2006 at 8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Larry, you're a trip. Now I'm having images of sex with latex gloves.

September 20, 2006 at 12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your killing me Larry...Killing me. Thanks for the ceran Wrap advice though.

September 20, 2006 at 1:49 PM  
Blogger eyeball said...

larry as an experienced boob conversator I can tell you what they were saying...."spend all your money trying to touch us" is what they were saying.

September 20, 2006 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

leroy, no problem... i am glad i can help. i am always willing to give advice to people. most of the times, people don't really listen to my advice, but hey, there is always the first...

eyeball, so you know exactly what i am talking about...

September 20, 2006 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

catherine, i am also having images... it involves you, me, some latex gloves, batman outfit, mr. potatoe head, telephone booth, some fried chicken, and jello pudding pops...

September 20, 2006 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

damnit Catherine...Your cutting way deep into my space...haha...

September 21, 2006 at 5:15 AM  
Blogger larrykim said...

granny, there's enough room in the telephone booth for you and couple of your friends too...

September 21, 2006 at 8:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You went over the line with this one LAR!
:)

September 21, 2006 at 1:08 PM  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

The trick is to pretend you don't even care about her breasts. That way she gets all frustrated, like "don't you SEE THESE?!" Later, you get to talk to them up close and personal while she stays quiet except for a little heavy breathing and maybe a moan or two. It's like buying a car. "Yeah, maybe I don't even WANT this car." Then they come down on the price. So anyway, I've bought a lot of cars.

September 21, 2006 at 4:12 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

steve, alright... but really i don't care to get that close... it's more fun to keep your distance. i don't want anymore kitchen knives thrown at me...

September 22, 2006 at 8:58 AM  

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