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i am an addict of laughter and also sadness. i guess basically i am very confused...

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

hugs 101, part 1

today i want to talk about hugs. why hugs? because i just love hugs. i will hug just about anybody. okay, i am lying. i will only hug people that i like.

anyway, over the years, i have noticed that there are several different kinds of hugs women will give men. so, i figure this would be an opportune moment to flaunt my knowledge of hugs, and perhaps impress some ladies out there... you know who you are... basically, any women, and all women.

first, there is "i don't like you, but i don't want to make a scene" hug. now this hug is probably the one that i often get, but hey, i never complain about hugs. for this hug, a woman has to have a good balance, poise, and also good flexibility. here is how it works. a woman will balance herself on one foot, while leaning her shoulder sideways as far as she can, the purpose of this move is to distance main part of her body as far away from her subject as possible. while doing this, she maneuvers her arm around her subject and also turns her face away from the subject. the hugger and the huggie should end up facing the same direction, and only part of the contact between two are just a little part of side of their shoulders. now, here is the important component of this hug. how much you turn your face away from the huggie determines how much the hugger dislikes the huggie. i hope you will keep that in mind...

next hug is "i will hug you but i don't want any wrinkles on my clothes" hug. for this hug, it is important to lean over to the huggie while maintaining minimal body contact. this can be accomplished by sticking out one's butt and leaning forward. this way you ensure a safe distance from the huggie (especially in the crotch area) while offering only top of your shoulder. also, use just one arm and quickly tap on the back of the huggie. some women that has had a lot of practice can accompllish this task without actually making any physical contact, and that is indeed impressive. most women though will end up either touching one of their shoulders on a man's chest or sometimes when they are inexperienced, they may even make cheek to cheek contact. at this point, it almost defeats the whole purpose of this intricate manuever. so, my advice , ladies, if you do not want to take a chance, please go with a safer move.

before going into next hug, i want to point out that everyone should know that a tap on the back means... hug is over, let me go now. so, whenever you want to get out of a hug, remember to tap. now, if huggie is clueless, you may tap harder and more often, if that doesn't work, pepper spray use would not be unreasonable.

well, i will continue with more hugs next blog, but for now, i need to go to bed...

6 Comments:

Blogger wobbeegone said...

I wont be party to a hug unless I want to.
But if on the occassion that I am hugged against my will, there are no arms involed on my part, sort of like hugging a rental. Arms down, head turned facing outward, grimace on face and maybe just maybe my hand might come up to tap the hugger on the elbow.
Now when I do willfully give and accept said hug, I'm all arms, big squeeze, long pause, squeeze again, then pat and release. I'm still perfecting it but the dismount seems to work out allright so far.

August 24, 2004 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger haley said...

hugs usually make me feel awkward with people i don't know all too well because they're pretty unnatural.

August 25, 2004 at 6:39 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

Maybe I'm a complete freak or something, but I love hugs! I hug everyone, my kids, my husband, my friend, family, and just about anyone whose first name I know! And they are big ole huge squishy hugs too!

I do admit though, some hugs make me feel awkward. Like if I have been crying or upset, I don't want people to hug me then. No I would prefer they just sit and stare at me in disgust! lol!

August 26, 2004 at 1:58 AM  
Blogger Star*Girl said...

I'm a hugger and a squeezer I love to hug. I too will hug anyone I think it catches people off guard though cause when I'm introduced to someone for the first time like my cousins new girlfriend for example rather than shake her hand I go in for the hug but now I'm going to be paranoid and self concious about it, thanks larry!

August 27, 2004 at 12:20 PM  
Blogger Star*Girl said...

I'm a hugger and a squeezer I love to hug. I too will hug anyone I think it catches people off guard though cause when I'm introduced to someone for the first time like my cousins new girlfriend for example rather than shake her hand I go in for the hug but now I'm going to be paranoid and self concious about it, thanks alot larry!

August 27, 2004 at 12:20 PM  
Blogger Star*Girl said...

I'm a hugger and a squeezer I love to hug. I too will hug anyone I think it catches people off guard though cause when I'm introduced to someone for the first time like my cousins new girlfriend for example rather than shake her hand I go in for the hug but now I'm going to be paranoid and self concious about it, thanks alot larry!

August 27, 2004 at 12:20 PM  

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