love is not a victory march...

life is almost back to normal for me. it is strange how some of my friends act as if nothing has happened while others tend to look at me so differently...

i am not sure what i am suppose to feel. i used to feel guilty after my dad passed away whenever i was happy. i felt as if i should be sad all the time. i guess i have learned a lot from that.

i need to go by the cemetery more often... i need to put out some fresh flowers... i need to go and take care of her house. i need to do... so much more... than i am doing...

one of my favorite person in the whole world, my buddy nancy got married last week. the wedding was beautiful and after the wedding she gave me a big hug and said... thank you for everything... even though i didn't feel like i did anything, i guess i know what she means...

an ex girlfriend who got married in texas recently got divorced and moved back to town. she called me... well, actually she called my brother. she found the phone number through the information. for some reason, i always break all contacts with any ex-girlfriends. i think it is easier to just let go than to try to change things... she wants me to help her settle into her new house... meaning help her move stuff. i have no interest in her anymore, but i don't want to abandon her either. perhaps, it would have been better if she would have never found me...

i guess i have been buying things that i don't need, like a rolex watch because i have lost only person i needed to take care of... i don't have anyone depending on me anymore. i am not sure that is a good thing. perhaps it is true that freedom just means, you have nothing to lose... or you have nothing.