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Location: huntsville, alabama, United States

i am an addict of laughter and also sadness. i guess basically i am very confused...

Friday, September 29, 2006

last night i dreamt that i ate a ten pound marshmallow, and when i woke up my pillow was gone

i have been sick most of this week. i took off work wednesday and thursday. normally, i really am not that busy at work, but for some reason a lot of things happened at work thursday and i ended up getting four phone calls on my cell phone.

anyway, i had a strange dream while i was sick. i dreamt that i was brad and angelina's new baby. man.. wouldn't that be just awesome?

while i was sick i also had a chance to think about certain important aspects in my life, and i am happy to say that i think i have mastered how to act like a celebrity without actually being a celebrity. i think this is something i can sell to the public. i mean, lets face it, who does not want to be a celebrity?

you, too, can be a celebrity without any talent, without good looks, or without doing any hard work. all you have to do is just follow my easy twelve step program...

1. come up with an easy to remember name... like... larry
2. start producing products bearing your name... like... "sleep with larry with no regrets" pillow
3. drive around town in a limo or a hearse (only if you can't afford a limo)
4. start talking nasty about other people (this comes easy for most people)
5. if anyone talks about anything other than yourself in your presence quickly change the subject to you. if they don't want to talk about you... leave (most of celebrities don't have any friends, so don't worry if no one wants to be around you)
6. whenever you catch someone looking at you, spray mace and tell them to stay away from you (any public attention is a good attention)
7. talk about yourself in third person... larry is hungry, etc...
8. always carry some 8'x10' photos of yourself and offer people autographs. if they say yes, ask for some money.

if you want to know the rest of my secrets, please send $19.99 to:

i want to be famous too, larry
p.o.box 10001
hollywood, california 90210

10 Comments:

Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I have been trying your fabulous celebrity tips for awhile now, but still people mostly just ask "who the hell are you" and tell me to go away. Some of the younger and better-looking girls just say "ew" which I must admit, really hurts. I was thinking of selling "Memphis Steve" condoms with my face on the tip. What do you think? Maybe truckers and college students who steal the free condoms from the Student Center will know my name then?

September 29, 2006 at 11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your 12 step program is a farse. How do I know? Because your parents (Brangelina) are celebrities. By virtue of that, you are an automatic celebrity. It comes with the territory. I will only follow advice given by someone who didn't have their celebrity handed over to them on a silver platter and astro-suit. Poser!

September 29, 2006 at 1:30 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

i think that is a great idea and you should invest your money to make lots of condoms and distribute. it will be well worth it. i promise you.

September 29, 2006 at 1:34 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

hey, stop calling me names and send me some money... laurz

September 29, 2006 at 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way...that People mag cover made me laugh SO hysterically!! I am still laughing...

September 29, 2006 at 2:01 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I have so many things to say about that condom, but I'm not going to destroy that ladylike image you have of me ;)

September 30, 2006 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Cynic with Flair said...

I like a man with a plan. The tip about talking in the third person cracks Cynic up...I mean, it cracks me up.

October 1, 2006 at 8:52 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

biscuit, you could never destroy my image of you... but "ladylike" was not the first word that pops into my head when i think about you. but hey, i have a limited vocabulary... i've learned my english reading playboy magazine...

cynic, well, baby, i am full of plans. as a matter of fact, i have a plan to get me some barbeque ribs and eat them nakkid sitting in front of my tv tonight watching monday night football... (did i also mention that i am a true romantic... you probably figured it out by my plans tonight)

October 2, 2006 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger it's the little things said...

I want the pillowcase. Great idea!

October 2, 2006 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger larrykim said...

little things, you should order a pillow case. you, too, can spend quite evenings with larry... you should also purchase little larry paper doll... it's a bargain!

October 2, 2006 at 10:41 AM  

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