last night i dreamt that i ate a ten pound marshmallow, and when i woke up my pillow was gone

i have been sick most of this week. i took off work wednesday and thursday. normally, i really am not that busy at work, but for some reason a lot of things happened at work thursday and i ended up getting four phone calls on my cell phone.

anyway, i had a strange dream while i was sick. i dreamt that i was brad and angelina's new baby. man.. wouldn't that be just awesome?

while i was sick i also had a chance to think about certain important aspects in my life, and i am happy to say that i think i have mastered how to act like a celebrity without actually being a celebrity. i think this is something i can sell to the public. i mean, lets face it, who does not want to be a celebrity?

you, too, can be a celebrity without any talent, without good looks, or without doing any hard work. all you have to do is just follow my easy twelve step program...

1. come up with an easy to remember name... like... larry
2. start producing products bearing your name... like... "sleep with larry with no regrets" pillow
3. drive around town in a limo or a hearse (only if you can't afford a limo)
4. start talking nasty about other people (this comes easy for most people)
5. if anyone talks about anything other than yourself in your presence quickly change the subject to you. if they don't want to talk about you... leave (most of celebrities don't have any friends, so don't worry if no one wants to be around you)
6. whenever you catch someone looking at you, spray mace and tell them to stay away from you (any public attention is a good attention)
7. talk about yourself in third person... larry is hungry, etc...
8. always carry some 8'x10' photos of yourself and offer people autographs. if they say yes, ask for some money.

if you want to know the rest of my secrets, please send $19.99 to:

i want to be famous too, larry
p.o.box 10001
hollywood, california 90210