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Location: huntsville, alabama, United States

i am an addict of laughter and also sadness. i guess basically i am very confused...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

oooops, i did it again...

so, i went out to the comedy club with beth. i looked into her eyes and i said... your eyes are beautiful and i am not just saying that because i see my reflections in them. to be honest, i don't think she has beautiful eyes... i just thought it would be a funny thing to say and that i thought maybe she would laugh.. well, she didn't, and needless to say i didn't get any.

however, the boob girl from my blog "girls are like pianos, if they are not upright, they are grand" asked me if i was mad at her because i didn't call her after our last date. i told her i just have been sick. anyway, we are going out to dinner this weekend and this time i am gonna try to not have any intimate conversations with her boobs while she is talking... who am i kidding? i can't do that. i just am not capable of doing that. a phrase comes to my mind when i think about myself in dating situations and that phrase is... arrested development.

Q: What happens to an Asian man who runs into a wall and has a full erection?
A: He breaks his nose.

did i forget to mention that i have an unusally large nose for an asian guy? serious...

asian glossary

twinkie: asian guys who act white. only dates white people. (me for now, someone pointed out to me that i have no asian girls on my website www.ipartywithlarry.com)
fob (fresh off the boat): recent immigrants from asian countries (me twenty some years ago)
asian-american: you claim yourself to be an asian, but real asians think you are not... you are a white-washed asian. (brandon lee)
fobabee: asian-americans who wants to reclaim their asian heritage even though they were born and raised in america (my friend tom)
tab (trendy asian biatch): dresses nice and white guys love them (lisa ling)
hoochie tab: dresses nice and white guys love them, but unlike tab, hoochie tabs don't do well in school (possibly bad at math), don't play the piano, and gets into fights (lucy lu)
fobulous: fob in "fobulous" stands for fabulous oriental being and not fresh off the boat. you are a good dancer and you have many white and asian friends (me in the future)

by the way, i can make fun of asians because i am an asian. if you are a white person, please don't make any jokes about asians or long duk dong on my website. it is considered a bad etiquette and you will never be invited to my eggroll party if you do...

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand the joke about breaking the nose.....

October 12, 2006 at 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one LAR! Enjoy your date!

October 12, 2006 at 3:30 PM  
Blogger it's the little things said...

What I find interesting is that Asian girls are for the most part, usually not well endowed up top, and yet you, being Asian, are SUCH a boob-man. How do you reckon this happened?

October 12, 2006 at 5:26 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

If I didn't understand the line about breaking the nose I'd have written under anonymous too...LMAO...
Splain it to anonymous like he/she is 5 Larry..

October 13, 2006 at 3:22 AM  
Blogger larrykim said...

anonymous, i think if you have to explain a joke, it's just not funny anymore... i am afraid you may just have to let this one go...

jules, i will try to enjoy the date, but normally dates are not something for me to enjoy, dates are kind of like job interviews without possibility of getting any money out of it.

little things, maybe i should come clean here. you caught me. i really am not a boob-man. i, in all honesty, prefer girls with itty bitty boobs if i can help it. i am not sure why lately i end up being around these large boobed women. if i only knew one single itty bitty tiny breasted woman who is as flat chested as my thirteen year old brother... man... i would so... fall for her. anyway, i just think it's funny for me to go on and on about boobs, but really i prefer a woman (if i have a choice) not for the size of her bra, but the junk in the trunk. word up, j.lo.

granny, ha! i will just go ahead and post my naked picture. that way, maybe anonymous can figure it out...

October 13, 2006 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I have no etiquette training or skills at all, as you know, because I was raised by redneck wolves who somehow managed to hold a job and own a house. Actually, 'raised' is too strong a word. I was produced and then basically given a place to sleep. Beyond that I was on my own.

As for the boobs, any man who can go through high school living next door to Christy Herrerra and not be a boob man crazy mad for Latino chicks has some sort of chemical imbalance. She was the most beautiful woman God ever created and she was in a bikini in her backyard every single day while you were back there kicking the soccer ball and not even looking at her. You even asked her to give you your ball back when it went over the fence and still didn't care when those boobs bounced over and threw it back to you. I never understood that. Although it doesn't really matter because I was such a loser that I never got to be with her and instead wasted all that time with her half-asian pseudo friend who you warned me to avoid and I didn't listen. I should have listened. You were right all along.

Some of the world's most beautiful women have A-cup boobs. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. It's the quality that counts. And a good booty. And whether or not you can see your own reflection in their big, beautiful eyes.

October 13, 2006 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger larrykim said...

steve, how and why do you remember all this stuff, christy herrerra? i guess i pretty much blocked it all out of my mind. i am not even sure if you are telling the truth.

sometimes i am offended by things that i probably shouldn't be... but that is who i am and i don't want to make myself be okay with things that i am not okay with. i hope you can understand that...

i can't think of anyone who was not a loser in high school... certainly i think i was a loser and i haven't changed. however, i choose to look at things differently and would never call myself a loser at this point.

i think i am unique and lovable because of stupid awkward things that i do, not in spite of it.

October 13, 2006 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Cynic with Flair said...

LK, my advice would be to avoid girls named Beth. Otherwise, I don't know why she didn't laugh. Maybe she had bad gas and was worried about it breaking loose.

Just out of curiosity, why didn't you call the other girl back after the boob-staring date?

Cynic (aka another Beth)

October 13, 2006 at 10:19 PM  
Blogger it's the little things said...

It's funny being a woman, and contemplating boobs. To me, they are just a part of me that needs special preparation when I run. I am always surprised by how much attention they command, especially when I'm trying to sell something to a male. But hey, I'm not complaining.

October 14, 2006 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger larrykim said...

cynic, i had no idea your name is beth. maybe that is why i am soooo attracted to you. well, as attracted as a guy can be without really knowing the other person.

ummm... the reason i didn't call her was because... i don't know. i just don't like calling girls. i have nothing to say because she won't let me talk about her boobs... so, why call her if i have nothing to say. i have not called a girl in a couple of years... i just figure they will call me if they want to talk...

little things, dang, girl... i had no idea you were so endowed... what's your number? anyhoo, i already told you that you were a hottie, so don't try to get me all worked up with your boob talk... silly girl, tricks are for kids!

October 16, 2006 at 9:17 AM  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I have no class. I try to step lightly, but I always fall down. Sorry. I wasn't trying to piss you off. It's just that the lines from Long Duck Dong are the only lines I remember. He was the funniest person in the movie.

I remember Christy being back there, but you always got the ball back, so I never got to see. If I had, it would be burned into my memory forever.

October 16, 2006 at 11:19 AM  

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