and the winner is...
this weekend, i read "darkly dreaming dexter". there also is a show on showtime called "dexter". anyway, what i like the best about this guy is that he is not capable of feeling. so, he fakes it. i can definitely relate, especially when it comes to dating. i am always trying to figure out what i am suppose to do, or not do, to make sure the girl does not get mad at me, and i have no idea.
i haven't asked a girl out in years. last three times i went out on dates, they approached me. of course, it never leads to anything because as i have said, i am not going to do anything to encourage them or discourage them. i have no idea what they think and i don't really care. i just show up for dinner, talk to them, go get a drink with them or a movie, and go home. no guesses, no worries... and for some reason, this feels really good because i have eliminated what i hate the most about dating... trying to figure out what i am suppose to do...
there are some fear of rejection on my part. however, i have a bigger fear of acceptance. i can't be in a meaningful relationship, that will mess up my happy little life. i don't want to be responsible for taking care of and caring about someone's feelings. i don't want that kind of responsibility... that would totally ruin my happy-go-lucky-guy persona i have going here...
and sex... that's just crazy. how am i suppose to feel comfortable with these total strangers? i feel like i am being judged on a compulsory routine at a gymnastics competition. i am constantly thinking about my balance, positioning, and of course that all dreaded dismount.
one time, because i wanted to impress the girl so much, i tried my triple axle double twist dismount and broke my ankle. i knew i wasn't ready for it, but i just wanted to impress her. anyway, all i am saying is that it is just crazy. it's just not worth it for me. even though, it would be nice to win a gold medal in an international competition...
i can just see myself standing on a platform naked while the national anthem plays in the background with gold medal dangling on my proud chest, a condom barely hanging on to the last remanance of my exhausted manhood... while a blonde babe with a swedish accent announces... and ze winner iz...
anyway, what i am trying to say here is that... i think i have no feelings... and i love it!
i haven't asked a girl out in years. last three times i went out on dates, they approached me. of course, it never leads to anything because as i have said, i am not going to do anything to encourage them or discourage them. i have no idea what they think and i don't really care. i just show up for dinner, talk to them, go get a drink with them or a movie, and go home. no guesses, no worries... and for some reason, this feels really good because i have eliminated what i hate the most about dating... trying to figure out what i am suppose to do...
there are some fear of rejection on my part. however, i have a bigger fear of acceptance. i can't be in a meaningful relationship, that will mess up my happy little life. i don't want to be responsible for taking care of and caring about someone's feelings. i don't want that kind of responsibility... that would totally ruin my happy-go-lucky-guy persona i have going here...
and sex... that's just crazy. how am i suppose to feel comfortable with these total strangers? i feel like i am being judged on a compulsory routine at a gymnastics competition. i am constantly thinking about my balance, positioning, and of course that all dreaded dismount.
one time, because i wanted to impress the girl so much, i tried my triple axle double twist dismount and broke my ankle. i knew i wasn't ready for it, but i just wanted to impress her. anyway, all i am saying is that it is just crazy. it's just not worth it for me. even though, it would be nice to win a gold medal in an international competition...
i can just see myself standing on a platform naked while the national anthem plays in the background with gold medal dangling on my proud chest, a condom barely hanging on to the last remanance of my exhausted manhood... while a blonde babe with a swedish accent announces... and ze winner iz...
anyway, what i am trying to say here is that... i think i have no feelings... and i love it!
posted by larrykim | 8:44 AM
8 Comments:
I can't wait to buy the book you are going to publish. You are hilarious.
You worry me...
Still having ankle injuries? Man, if not for that bad ankle you would be in the World Cup by now! Me? I would be the line judge, waving my stupid flag around while you took dives and drew bogus penalties like a pro. But afterwards I'd want to be paid for helping you with those dives. I'm no whore, but I need the money. Mia Hamm still owes me a fortune.
Larry, I hear you.
It is easier to be alone, and then you get so used to it that it's hard to change.
I'd offer that you are in hibernation. At least that is how I comfort myself. :)
thanks, julie.
biscuit, well, don't worry about me... why would you worry about someone who is happy?
steve, ummm... most of my stories are kind of made up... so i probably didn't break my ankle...
little things, happiness is not just where you bump and grind it... happiness is where you choose to find it...
The dreaded dismount... LMAO!!
Larrrrry!!! Hey! I miss ya...How have you been? I just told someone to come to your classical guitar playing site to take a listen...anyway, then I thought I'd come to your blog and it is so good to just say "HI!"
Suzanne
lilly, you know it!
suzanne, thanks for the referral. i hope things are going well for you. i am glad you stopped by.
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