how to lose a stalker
someone recently asked me how to lose her stalker. in my case, i don't have to do anything and they just lose interest. however, i realize that there may be some of you out there that are more "stalk-worthy", and you may have harder time getting rid of your stalkers. so, i have come up with some possible ways to lose your stalker. i am planning on writing a book or a movie about it. how to lose a stalker in ten days...
to lose your stalker, one must "know" her stalker. i don't mean that in a biblical sense, i just mean that you have to understand the psyche of your stalker. in general, stalkers fall into three general categories. one is your general run-of-the-mill otherwise normal human being obsessed with an idea that you are his/her one and only, and if they try hard enough that they will somehow win your affection. with this type of a stalker, sometimes by ignoring them, eventually they will give up. but, this may take awhile and meanwhile you live in a state of fright. my advice... be frank. be honest. tell him that you are a lesbian and that you no longer are interested in man. of course, that did not work on me... in fact, i wanted to stalk her even more...
okay, i take that back. don't ever ever say that to a man. better thing to do would be to tell him that you are really not interested in dating him. be up-front.
next stalker type is "i am bored and don't have anything better to do" stalker. now, this type of stalker is much easier to get rid of. tell him to meet you at a local strip joint and don't show up. he will start stalking one of the dancers and pretty soon he won't be bugging you anymore.
another stalker type is more dangerous. they actually enjoy stalking you. i am not sure how to handle this one. you should probably have a man (preferably not the stalker but someone else) come over and live with you for a while until he gives up.
by the way, i am available. at a special low discounted rate since i don't have to go back to work until sometime next week.
another possibility that could work on any of the above described types is to refer him to one of your friends. say.. if you have a friend who is an exhibitionist, maybe... just maybe, they will make a good stalker-stalky combo. by the way, if any of you know of any exhibitionist friends, please let me know.
anyhoo, i hope my stalker corner has been helpful to you...
please don't forget to write in for other relationship advice from yours truly... i am in the know... really
to lose your stalker, one must "know" her stalker. i don't mean that in a biblical sense, i just mean that you have to understand the psyche of your stalker. in general, stalkers fall into three general categories. one is your general run-of-the-mill otherwise normal human being obsessed with an idea that you are his/her one and only, and if they try hard enough that they will somehow win your affection. with this type of a stalker, sometimes by ignoring them, eventually they will give up. but, this may take awhile and meanwhile you live in a state of fright. my advice... be frank. be honest. tell him that you are a lesbian and that you no longer are interested in man. of course, that did not work on me... in fact, i wanted to stalk her even more...
okay, i take that back. don't ever ever say that to a man. better thing to do would be to tell him that you are really not interested in dating him. be up-front.
next stalker type is "i am bored and don't have anything better to do" stalker. now, this type of stalker is much easier to get rid of. tell him to meet you at a local strip joint and don't show up. he will start stalking one of the dancers and pretty soon he won't be bugging you anymore.
another stalker type is more dangerous. they actually enjoy stalking you. i am not sure how to handle this one. you should probably have a man (preferably not the stalker but someone else) come over and live with you for a while until he gives up.
by the way, i am available. at a special low discounted rate since i don't have to go back to work until sometime next week.
another possibility that could work on any of the above described types is to refer him to one of your friends. say.. if you have a friend who is an exhibitionist, maybe... just maybe, they will make a good stalker-stalky combo. by the way, if any of you know of any exhibitionist friends, please let me know.
anyhoo, i hope my stalker corner has been helpful to you...
please don't forget to write in for other relationship advice from yours truly... i am in the know... really
posted by larrykim | 9:18 AM
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160 Comments
