if all the world's a stage, i want to operate the trap door

so, i was working on my michael jackson billie jean dance moves in my office last night (by the way, i have been working on this for about three months now and i have even tried it at karoake bars a few times, and people seem to love it, i am not sure if they love it because i am so bad and they think it is funny or if i am a pretty good dancer, but hey, entertainment is entertainment no matter how you slice it and dice it), and this security guard caught me dancing. well, you would expect him to smile or laugh or something because i know i would, if nothing else, just to be polite, but no... he just looked at me and acted like he didn't even see me, as if he had walked in on a teenage boy watching cinemax late at night or something, which, by the way, embarrassed me.

normally, i would have just let it go at that, but for some reason, i just wanted to explain it to him... hey, i am just trying to dance like mike... no big deal... i am not a sicko, so you don't have to act like that... please come back and say something...

so, i chased him down the stairs and i said... hey, i was just practicing my michael jackson moves... he looked at me puzzled and confused... i was expecting him to smile and say... oh, okay, i got ya... you were doing the michael jackson thing, that's alright, that's cool... i thought you were doing some sicko thing in there, but hey, if you were doing the michael jackson thing, that is cool... but, no... he didn't say anything... he just looked away without saying a word, and just walked away.

what has this world come to when a man is looked at like some kind of a freak just because he wants to dance like mike?

to my embarrassment i was born naked in bed with a lady

geeez
Originally uploaded by larrykim.

somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. she must be found and stopped... sam levenson

this picture has been going around the office with the title... "the baby is here". there is someone that is actually having a baby, and people apparently are waiting on some news about the baby. me, on the other hand, could not care less. anyway, so they stuck my face where it doesn't belong and it's been going around the office... should i be upset?

if laughter is the best medicine, why do doctors get paid so much?

travel is only glamorous in retrospect... paul theroux

it's moving day at work. they are moving me along with everyone in the penthouse down to the third floor. i don't so much mind the moving except for the part where i have to pack my stuff and move it and unpack it. other than that, i don't mind moving at all. well... except for the fact that third floor for some reason smells like a cat litter box. i am not sure why because i don't think anybody has cats down there. also, for some reason it is hot... as hot as... i don't know, something really hot. i think i may need to go to walmart and buy me a fan and maybe some scented candles (just kidding, i am not allowed to have anything associated with fire at work, nor anything sharp like scissors or staples, i will write more about that later but it's not to protect me from anything, it is to protect others from me).

i wonder if they would let me come into work in shorts. it is really hot down there... i guess when i think about it, i really am not that happy about this move. i wonder if they would get upset if they found me sitting naked on the floor singing natalie imbruglia surrounded by scented candles... just a thought...

babies are kind of like people, just smaller

the purpose of life is to fight maturity... dick werthimer

i share an office with this guy who is having a baby soon. except it's really not him that is doing anything, it is his wife who is pregnant. anyway, people are coming into my office asking if they had the baby yet... i am getting a bit tired of this. i really am not much of getting excited about baby showers or wedding showers or coming out of the closet parties or whatever... i just am not much of celebrating something i don't care about.

anyway, so when someone came into my office asking about the baby, here is what i told him...

"yes, i have some good news. his wife is dilated to 62 centimeters with contractions every twenty seconds. it turned out her mucus plug is defective and the doctors had to use some clear silicone sealant. apparently her water broke and caused a small flooding in the hospital"

i don't think they will ask me any more questions...

sanity and happiness are an impossible combination

the mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven... john milton

i was just thinking... if i were anything other than a human being, what would i want to be... i think i would want to be either a tree or a bear. i would want to be a tree because i wouldn't have to do anything and no one will ask me to do anything for them. but i like the bear idea too because you get to hibernate all winter. i also like honey and salmon. i especially like honey glazed salmon filet with spinach orzo pasta. i also like thin, crispy calamari with zesty pizzaiola and basil pesto aioli sauces for dipping... but i guess bears don't really eat their salmon that way and they don't seem to like fried food or sauce... oh well... maybe i like being a human...