it will soon be february

i love february... there is no month like february. for those of you who are not very familiar with greek calendar system, it come after january and comes before march. february is a great month because this is the time of the year when i like to think about doing something different... like something exciting that i didn't get to do last year.... like running a marathon. i figure if i want to run a marathon this year, this would be a good time to start thinking about it and think about how i can prepare myself for it.

so i went on the internet to find out a little about marathons... like how far i would have to go to run a marathon. i like nyc marathon. i figure, i can go run a marathon, go have a beer, catch a broadway show, stop by an art museum. man, that would be great... i was all excited about it, that is until i found out how far i would have to run... are they kidding me? ...i mean, sure fifty yards i can see myself running, but come on... twenty some miles? i mean that is just ungodly. why would anyone want to run, and i mean run as in like less than twenty minute a mile pace, and i am not talking about running to your bathroom, but actually running and sweating. sure the gas price is a bit high, but a person should not run that far. why would anyone ever need to run that far? that just can not be healthy. that is why we invented cars and motorcycles and trains and planes so that we wouldn't have to run twenty miles...

anyway, thinking about all that running made me hungry. by the way, this friend of mine baked me a cake for my birthday, and this is like the best chocolate cake ever. anyway, i have eaten most of it all by myself. i am such a pig. i guess i should finish it off. well, maybe marathon isn't a great idea after all... maybe i can do something like iditarod. that way, i can just stand on a sled and let the dogs do all the work. who am i kidding, i hate cold weather... i am just gonna eat some cake and go to bed.. i love february...

misfortune junkie

ladies often ask me... what's a guy like you doing in a place like this?

well, maybe not in those exact words, but it's very similar.

what they actually say is...

what the heck are you doing in a women's bathroom?

usually i act like i lost a contact and walk around grabbing at stuff, but this one particular day, i was just taken aback by this lady's beauty. i am not sure if it was my over-pressured bladder that was screaming for relief, or if it was the deem lighting and soft velvet couch in the lady's room, but i really fell for her. literally. after she kicked in the groin area. anyway, my point is that men should not go into women's bathroom to meet women. that is my point. i know the ratio is pretty dang good in there, and it seems like a good place to approach a woman especially because they don't have anywhere to escape. but i promise you, it is not. i repeat, not a good place to meet women...

how to say.. no

okay, i have this problem... i just have such a difficult time saying no. this morning, i am missing half a day (well, actually more than that) of work to give this girl a ride out of town. i know that i can say no... but then i really can't. i mean i really tried to say no to her last night, and i just couldn't do it. it came out... no.. problem.

anyway, this problem has gotten me in few troubles. for instance, last year i ended up with no shirt, no shoes, and a half eaten sneakers bar in mexico because i just couldn't say no. well, i guess that is another blog entry at some point. but, anyway, my point is that it's like a disease with me. i need help. is there a twelve step program for learning to say no. do you think it has to do with my insecurity or self-hatred or something like that?


i have come up with few possible options for my current case:
1. legally change my name and move to canada.
2. tell her i have cancer and check into a hospital just in case she checks it out.
3. stage a murder and try to get on the newspaper so that she will hear about it.

i like number 2, but that may end up costing me quite a bit of money.

what makes me really mad is... this is like 5th or 6th time she has asked me to do this in last couple of months. i mean, i would never ask for gas money or anything, and she says that she doesn't know anyone she can trust, but i am beginning to really wonder if she really needs to take these trips. oh, by the way, her car broke down, and she is from another town working in this city during the week. i think she may have a love interest in her town and that is why she keeps wanting to go there. but hey, i wouldn't be the one to ask personal questions like that.

well, the problem is... usually, i would go out of my way to help people. not just friends or family, but any stranger that needs help. but, at this point, i just feel like she is taking advantage of me and she has no appreciation for all that i am going through to be able to take time off from work. last two times i did this, i had to work on weekends because i got so behind schedule on things. worse yet, i ended up missing desperate housewives. i mean, what if i get fired. i love my job! nah, i won't get fired, people really like me at work and i am good (well, better than others) at my job.

anyway, i know you women folks out there are good at saying no, so tell me, how do i do it without sounding all mean and nasty?

my birthday

tomorrow is my birthday. happy birthday to me.

i have this thing about birthdays. well, actually any so called special days. i mean how much pressure is that? why in the world are people wishing me a happy birthday? i mean it's like they are telling me that i must have a good day just because it happens to be a same period of some silly cosmic cycle.

i just do not like christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, or any time that i am suppose to have a good time or a good day. i refuse to be happy because i am suppose to. i am never happy when i am suppose to be! i am only happy when i am suppose to be miserable. so, next time someone says happy birthday to me, i am just going to let him/her have it. buzz off, you scum bag, and leave me the heck alone!!! don't tell me happy birthday.... just tell me... i hope you have a miserable day, you s.o.b. now that, that is what would make me happy.

another year, another realization, no matter how often you may think, it never really gets any better... because it was always well... as well as it could ever be... no more dreams, no more hopes, they are just silly expectations distracting you from enjoying the now... i eat, i sleep, i breathe... why do i need to dream, why do i need to hope... it's just a silly non-sense. i am only happy when i have no hope, no dream... knowing this is it. this is as good as it ever gets. thank god, i am here, and i always have been.