larry's blog

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Location: huntsville, alabama, United States

i am an addict of laughter and also sadness. i guess basically i am very confused...

Friday, April 06, 2007

broken hallelujah

some of my fondest memories are times spent with my mom as a young boy. i recall many shopping trips while my brothers were in school when i was yet too young to go to school. i don't ever remember wanting to go to school at that time, nor do i recall ever wanting to go to school after that time. i was happy going into the city with mom, following her around as she looked for bargains, and always stopping for little snacks for me as we passed by different street vendors.

she never liked me using the public restrooms and often she would rather hail a cab to get us home rather than have me go to the public restrooms. it sounds strange now, but i thought that was just the way things were. the public restrooms were nasty gem infested disease trap that should be avoided at all cost. there is still some of that irrationality in my psyche.

i did not realize it then, but i do believe my mom had an obsessive compulsive disorder and she has handed it down to me. people tell me that i am more like my mom and than my brothers, and i agree... good and bad...

when my mom passed away, i mourned. i mourned because we have lost those special moments. my mom was no longer a young mother holding on tightly to a little child's hand in fear of losing him, and i was no longer a child who was afraid to go beyond her watchful eyes... and that was the saddest part of it all...